A few years ago my ex-wife asked me to leave the house or she would. Our marriage had been struggling and I recall at that moment feeling betrayed, hurt and angry. I was approaching an age where I could no longer make a living playing hockey, we have three beautiful children together and I thought to myself, how could she do that! I moved out which I believe was a mistake looking back. I had been the sole income provider since our marriage and we had just bought a new home a few years prior. I wanted to continue to provide for my family. I remember sleeping at the hockey rink the first few night on the floor and wondered how did this all unfold this way! Several weeks later, my ex-wife ask me if I would consider moving back and living in the basement. I said no and told her I had met someone during this time, this was true but the relationship was not serious. This was simply my ego’s response to an ultimatum that left me feeling quite vulnerable. Today we are divorced!
This experience has thought me so much and I am grateful to have the strength to share this with you.
What I realize today is like many children, I grew up in a family where who I am was not celebrated.
I learned that love is conditionally! If I act the way they wanted me to, they will approve of me. This is an illusion! Most parents are wounded themselves and raise their children unconsciously trying to fulfill their lack. From the age of 0-7, children are in a hypnotic state, they do not have the ability to filter what their parents, teachers and others adults say and do. Our care takers leave powerful imprints in those early years. Most parents deep down love their children but lack the awareness to realize that they are parenting from a wounded perception of seeing their children and the world. We receive negative messages and our perception of who we are leaves us confused and insecure about our self worth.