Over the years I have come to understand with greater depth what the art of meditating is. When I first started, I was looking for relief from the way I felt. I often felt anxious and uneasy around people, unfamiliar situations, while playing hockey and especially in social gatherings.
What I now realize is that I tried to control and suppress the emotions that felt uncomfortable. Emotions are a manifestation of deeper beliefs that I didn’t want to see at the time. I reacted with fear to what I was feeling. When someone is unaware of why they feel uneasy and chaotic, they feel powerless. When you feel powerless to influence your current circumstances, you go into a pattern called crazy 8.
I will speak more about the crazy 8 pattern in my next post!
Anytime we try to control our emotions, we are denying the present moment. We are afraid to see and feel what is really happening. So we try to escape and get relief through the many vices available in our society (gambling, work, drinking, sex, TV, etc.). People who have control issues are seeking to trust life. When you have confidence that life is working for you, your focus is not on controlling the experience you are living; instead, it is about moving in the direction of what speaks to your heart.
It took me a long time to understand this!
Early in my meditation practice I tried to control my meditation experience, which I believe limited my progress. What I have realized over the ye as I meditate, there is a harmony and order that is taking shape outside my control. This intelligence is self-regulating, self-correcting and self-organizing.
In your meditation practice, become your own Witness.
Begin by introducing yourself to yourself. You can give yourself another name to make it more real. Observe all the thoughts and emotions that you are having without controlling and judging any of them. Ask yourself, who is the Witness?
When you cease being partial to certain aspects of your thinking as opposed to others you will discover a more genuine and balanced relationship with yourself.
It is your conditioned mind that wants to control what is happening. It functions in survival mode. One must learn to allow everything to surface naturally. Awareness does not come from our thinking mind. Awareness is a product of consciousness. Many scientists such as Dr. Gary Schwartz through many experiments with mediums now believe that consciousness originates from a Universal mind versus the old theory that our brains create consciousness. Could your life actually have a bigger purpose?
Once you are able to differentiate awareness from thinking, you move out of thinking and controlling and into feeling and intuitively witnessing. You experience epiphanies and synchronicities. There is a space of stillness that begins to emerge within you.
Life is always communicating with us. The difference for me today is that I am listening from a different place with more care and stillness. As I develop my awareness to interpret what I am living, I am convinced that there is far more meaning to life than we have been conditioned to believe. This humbles me! This is my best attempt to honestly share with you my experiences! I urge you to be curious, continuously seek to expand your knowledge and vision of life in order to reinterpret what you are seeing from a grandeur framework and greater reality.
The result I believe will be one where people will choose to act for the greater good of all.